*Im as fake as a widows smile* [entries|friends|calendar] Nick [ website | myspace ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

3 ;) [13 Jun 2005|10:14pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Number 12 on Ocean Ave. CD ] its been 3 months and i couldnt be happier!!! ;) thanks for being there for me!!! 1 voices die out.

2 months [13 May 2005|11:31pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Faithful--Riddlin Kids ] 2 months have gone by so far... its great =)I love every second of it... heh... your the best angel <3 1 voices die out.

1 month [13 Apr 2005|08:00pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Kimberly Locke--8th World Wonder ] i cant believe its already been a month... its gone by so quick... im reely happy with the way things are going now... for once, things are going my way... its amazing... heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :-D your the best <3 2 voices die out.

Happy! [13 Mar 2005|10:21pm] [ mood | smile from ear to effing ear ] [ music | Hootie--I only want to be with you ] Alright... today was amazing!!! I havent been this happy in years... =D -->smile from ear to effing ear!!! Wow... so happy... words cannot explain it... 2 voices die out.

Wow... its been mad long since i posted in here [06 Mar 2005|12:24am] [ mood | WEEEEE ] [ music | Naked--Avril Lavigne ] I wake up in the morning Put on my face The one that's gonna get me Through another day Doesn't really matter How I feel inside 'Cause life is like a game sometimes But then you came around me The walls just disappeared Nothing to surround me And keep me from my fears I'm unprotected See how I've opened up Oh, you've made me trust Because I've nver felt like this before I'm naked Around you Does it show? You see right through me And I can't hide I'm naked Around you And it feels so right I'm tyring to remember Why I was afraid To be myself and let the Covers fall away I guess I never had someone like you To help me, to help me fit In my skin I never felt like this before I'm naked Around you Does it show? You see right through me And I can't hide I'm naked Around you And it feels so right I'm naked Oh oh yeah Does it show? Yeah, I'm naked Oh oh, yeah yeah I'm so naked around you And I can't hide You're gonna see right through, baby I dunno... im kinda confused/lost right now... its all good tho, i should find my way in a little while, i always do... im just hoping i find my way in time, thats all... no need for another shafting to come my way... anyway... the song sums up how i pretty much feel right now... im out... 2 voices die out.

Im very aggravated... [01 Feb 2005|10:20pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Pick A Fight--Goldfinger ] i am sick and fucking tired of being dicked over by girls. im like the nicest person in the world, and yet, im still shafted. i dont even know y tho... i think its cause im too nice, and every girl likes an asshole... its proven true to me many times over. its like this: i found out this girl liked me, and i liked her too... but i guess it was too late, cuz i always blow it, and now she has a boyfriend, but told me she didnt and the weird thing was, i saw them holding hands... whatever, i fell for that for a few days... and then it says i <3 so and so in her profile and thats pissing me off to no end. also the past like 2 weeks or so whenever were supposed to hang out she gets "grounded"... convienient isnt it? i reely think she has her boyfriend vr, and just dosent wanna tell me. i reely wouldnt mind too much if she was at least straight foward about and said "i don't like you in that way, i have a boyfriend" it would make me feel a lott better, other than saying "i dont have a boyfriend and blah blah blah" its complete bullshit... i dont deserve this shit, but then again, i am the one who winds up likeing these damn bitches. like they even know i like them, i tell them, so theyre lying if they say they dont know... and still... BAM shafted a little while later... i reely cant deal with the shit anymore... im done ranting. 2 voices die out.

[25 Jan 2005|03:41pm] uhh nothing much to write... and uhh the world shall burn at my feet... i will not rest until everyone who opposes me is deceased... never fuck with me... i never forget. 2 voices die out.

dammit [18 Jan 2005|09:50pm] [ mood | shitty ] [ music | Deanne The Arsonist--Atreyu ] alright, so today sucked ass... fuck it i want it over with and start a new day. i feel like complete shit, the kind of shit of ohh man whatd i do... not the sick kind. then i know im gonna fel like this for at least a few days... and it sucks... i kinda wanna crawl into a hole and hide, much like sadam did. fuck that... i dont need this shit right now... i needa reflect on my actions, and reely think it through... fuck off... 4 voices die out.

Worlds funniest song [17 Jan 2005|06:25pm] [ mood | Assholey ] [ music | Assole--Dennis Leary ] Asshole--Dennis Leary [Spoken] Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. The way our American hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know. I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job I'm your average white suburbanite slob I like football and porno and books about war I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a cuban cigar But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested (Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh) No, I've gotta go out and have fun At someone else's expense (Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane While people behind me are going insane I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) I use public toilets and piss on the seat I walk around in the summertime saying, "How about this heat?" I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped faces I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole) Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong Naaaah! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) [Spoken] You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. YOu know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why. [Spoken] Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes... (Hey) and Lee Marvin (Hey) and Sam Pekinpah (Hey) And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas... (Hey, you know you really are an asshole) Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E [Barking] Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum Oooh Oooh [Spoken] I'm an asshole and proud of it! this song kicks nuts so hardcore, you cant deny its greatness... with the exception of the american flag part... thats fuckin wrong. but anyway... ive been doin alright i guess, i just cant seem to be like not-pissed off for too long... like ill be fine and dandy for a few hours, then ill just be extremly pissed off for some reason... well, my weekend was fun too... chilled with mad people... saturday chilled with dan,robbie,doug, and steve. then yesterday i hung out with tonya. and this morning i went out to breakfast with dan, steve, jake, and chris... then today, i applied to 3 more colleges so ive been doing essays most of the day. thats pretty much it... im out. voices die out.

Fuck yeah im tough... [09 Jan 2005|12:09am] [ mood | Fuck Off ] [ music | Fuck You ] ok so today i chilled with dan all day... and it was sweet for the most part... well, to make the story short, i gotta cut from a razor on my hand, and then after it didnt stop bleeding for 45 minutes, i decided that it would be in my best interest to just cortorize(sp?) the wound... and thats exactley what i did... now i have this totally bitchin cut on my hand that needs to be cortorized even more, cuz it didnt melt the skin properly the first time... maybe it will heal over night and i wont hafta do it again, but we'll see. also, why the fuck do people gotta talk tough to people on the phone? it dosent make you tough... in fact its quite irritating, and makes you seem like a little bitch, which im sure you are. we all know nothing is gonna happen by you talking shit on a phone, so cut the shit and go do something manly like strangle yourself to death or just corotrize wounds all day for the pleasure. well, thats it... im out. 7 voices die out.

Walghhhh [28 Dec 2004|08:53pm] [ mood | pissed the fuck off ] [ music | Forever--AS I Lay Dying ] forever your eyes will hold the memory i saw your heart as it overtook me we tried so hard to understand and reason but in that one moment i gave my heart away that perfect breath where my mind lay beside me and all i knew was what had overtaken me with no explanation i am comforted by inability to understand forever your eyes will hold the memory i saw your heart as it overtook me we tried so hard to understand and reason but in that one moment i gave my heart away (forever your eyes will hold the memory)x6 when i wake from this dream will you still be here will your smile still open my heart and leave me transparent -As I Lay Dying i dunno... i just reely like this song... its like reely kick nut. so anyway... just recently many people have been pissing me off more than usual. mainly one person... she needs to be thrown down a flight of stairs and then beaten in the head with a brick until she gets some sense knocked into her. then, after she gets sense knocked into her she needs to be put into a concentration camp so she can think about what shes done. after that she should be sent into exile, because the way shes been acting no one needs her around. and then today i was ditched at my homies house because he needed to talk to someone for "20 minutes"... it ended up being like 45 according to him, but whatever he left me at his house for a half hour before i called his ass up and asked where he was, telling me hed be home in another 20-30 minutes. so of course i left, got some mcdonalds, then drove around on a quest for money cuz the wawa by me didnt wanna accept my mac card. so i drove to the wawa by manhattan street, and it worked, so now im no longer broke as fuck. so yeah thats all thats reely been going on, people pissing me off to a greater extent than before... fuck them... anyone whos ever given me shit should all fuckin die... fuck them and the world, i need no one... p.s. im the man... im out. 2 voices die out.

[17 Dec 2004|05:05pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | All That I Got--The Used ] well, i just woke up and nothing has changed since my last entry... i still hate everyone, because people are douchebags and try starting shit, and then dont finish it... jackson is gay like that... hmm well, thats reely bout it... im out. 3 voices die out.

Prankers... [03 Dec 2004|11:26pm] [ mood | wtf ] [ music | Deanne the Arsonist--Atreyu ] well, today i was called on my cellphone by a private number... hmmm i wonder why. anyway, a girl answers the phone and says hello, as soon as i answer hello back, she gives the phone to some guy. hes all like "who is this"... so im like "who is this?... is it some kind of a prank isnt it?" and then hes like "no, i wouldve thought of something smarter to say if it was. who is this? so i responded with "dude u called me you should no who i am, now who is this?" hes like "my names kevin." so i said "hey do i know you?" and he said "i dunno but your number was on my phone." then i was like "ok? who was the girl who answered first?" he said "my girlfriend" i was like "ooooo" then he was like "so youre not even gonna gimme your first name?" i was like "no. you should no me if you called me." and that was like the end of the conversation. then he called again like 2 and a half minutes later, and cuz i didnt feel like dealing with his shit, i just let my phone ring. but at least he wasnt so gay that he didnt even give me his name. just to let everyone know... i do have an idea of who it was. and it was smart of them to block their call, cuz im only 99% sure now, instead of 100%. i also found out some fucker was throwing sticks and rocks at my car, so it has scratches that i noticed, but just thought it was my fault. turns out it isnt so now imma hafta get the kid back. he also tried breaking/ stealing my mailbox. retaliation is going to be sweeeeeeeeeet. i mean seriously now... who the fuck does that to a car? i dont even no the kid other than he lives in my neighborhood. his shits getting fucked up reel good. on the bright side, i chilled with joe,mikie, sal, and dom today... saw dan too, but he couldnt chill. well, thats pretty much it... im out. 6 voices die out.

Survey time [28 Nov 2004|01:05am] [ mood | exhausted ] Layers Created by andy and taken 8156 times on bzoink! Layer.one Name Nick Birthdate 9-86 Birthplace Rahway Current location my house Eyes blue Hair brown Height 5'10" Righty or Lefty lefty Zodiac Sign huh? Layer.two Your heritage german, italian, polish... but mostly german Your weakness too good of a person Your shoes you wore today etnies Your fears so many... Your perfect pizza dominics Goal you'd like to achieve ohh... the summertime goal haha Layer.three Your thoughts first waking up wow... this sucks Your best physical feature im skinny Your bedtime whenever Your most missed memory d-unit being in high school Layer.four Pepsi or Coke coke McDonald's or Burger King mcdonalds Single or group dates depends... Adidas or Nike adidas Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea nestea Chocolate or vanilla vanilla Cappuccino or coffee both Layer.five Smoke on occasion Cuss all the time Sing not reely... Take showers daily yeah Have a crush not at the moment Think you've been in love yeah... when i was little Want to go college yup Want to get married yeah Believe in yourself no... not reely... i need confidence =( Get motion sickness sometimes Think you're attractive not at all... Think you're a health freak imma germophobe Get along with your parents yeah for the most part Like thunderstorms no Play an instrument i suck at it Layer.six - in the past months Gone to the mall yup Eaten an entire box of Oreos no Eaten sushi no Been on stage no Gone skating no Made homemade cookies no Gone skinny dipping no Dyed your hair no Stolen anything i dunno... i mightve but i dont remeber doing it if i have Label.seven - ever.. Been trashed or extremely intoxicated ohh yeah haha Been called a tease nope Got beaten up nah Layer.eight Age you hoped to be married i dunno... Number and name of children how the hell should i know... but Nicholas Dream wedding i dunno... what ever hers is haha How do you want to die old, and in my sleep Where do you want to attend college i wanna go to art college Dream job computer animator for Pixar Studios Country you want to visit germany Layer.nine - In a guy/girl... Best eye color dosent matter as long as the eyes are pretty Best hair color i like blonde... but any color reely, as long as it suits them Short or long hair medium/long Height shorter than me... but no shorter than 5'0" Best weight less than me haha Best clothing dosent matter Best first date location movies i guess Best first kiss location still waiting to find out... *sigh* Layer.ten Number of drugs taken illegally uhh i dunno Number of people I could trust with my life a lot, actually Number of CDs that I own like 30 something Number of piercings 0 Number of tattoos 1 Number of times my name's been in the news a few actually Number of scars on my body too many to count Number of things in my past that I regret. a lotta stuff Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! today was good... hung out with sal, rich, and josh... then to nelsens for the first time in about 3 months... saw jean, randy, nelsen, emmons & emmons, erin, george, ara, kurt, rufo, and greg. thats bout it... so im out. 5 voices die out.

uhh... [27 Nov 2004|12:04am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Alkaline Trio ] ok, so i found this thing on myspace, and you hadda like pick a month or something, and i chose september... this was what it told me bout the month i picked: SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. it like describes me perfectly, well cept for the confidence part, and i dunno what systematic means, oh and i dont like traveling much either... well thats all for now. 2 voices die out.

Blah... [22 Nov 2004|09:06pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Deanne the Arsonist--Atreyu ] ok, well i havent updated in a while... this past weekend was sweet, even tho i didnt do what i wanted to... but its all good. chilled with mad people... like i always do. over the past few weeks ive been chillin with sal and dom a lot, but i always chill with them... its like we always hangin out... they also asked me to post in here again, then szeszko wanted me to post something here too, and hes mad cool... so i decided to post for them.. i also chilled with dan, robbie, doug, and steve over the past few weeks too. saw jackson play sayerville and kick the shit outta them... it was sweet. i also chilled with my friend jankech, which was sweet... got some boston market, and rolos, and messed with this bitch from myspace... it was sweet. hmm thats bout it i guess... i dont reely do anything exciting anymore cuz im mad lazy... so on that note... i leave a song. Deanne The Arsonist Coward, the next time you want to fuck me over stab me in the front Can I still see my future in your eyes, or can I picture myself dead in your embrace And your cruel crimson red smile, kills Everyone cared about you. Why couldn't you Instead your greed compelled you to steal other silver linings. No one could have their moments free from your withering touch. Fuck off like you're the only person that has ever cried or been broken by love Spare me your pity party drunk off your own misfortunes Wallowing in your blissful melancholy .can you taste my blood. You knew that this would kill me. But you carried on and on with your selfish shit. everyone cared about you. Why couldn't you instead your greed compelled you to steal other silver linings. burnt down my world, you killed my hope spread out the ash and walked away how could you just close off your eyes. turn tail and run, you are the greatest coward damn right I am still pissed. next time I see you we will see who has the upper hand kiss my fist. Taste the floor. Tired of your games. fuck off goodbye. --Atreyu 5 voices die out.

WTF? [07 Nov 2004|12:39am] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | Surfacing--Slipknot ] alright... this is like the official worst weekend ever. first it was wednesday, which i already posted about... enough said about that. then today, fuckin i wasted 5 hours of my life doing absolutley nothing at all, then finding out completely fucked up shit about another person who was supposed to be my "friend". i meen what is it with people i consider friends? its like they get to know me, then fuck me over so fuckin hardcore. what i found out today was ten times more fucked up then wednesday too, but im not gonna post what it was exactley. that mother fucker... who the fuck does this shit... why must i find the only people in the world who would fuck me over to be my friends? this shit is so fucked up. what happened to the "good old days" of when i could count every single friend i had on 1 hand? now that i have more "friends" it seems as if im getting shafted more and more by the second. i dunno, maybe i should just become anti-social again... or maybe just get into a few fights with the people who shaft me. man... with the friends i make... who the fuck needs enemies? FUCK YOU ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD! FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR! DONT BELONG! DONT EXIST! DONT GIVE A SHIT! DONT EVER JUDGE ME! 4 voices die out.

Why am i such a fool? [04 Nov 2004|02:55pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Reflections--From Autumn To Ashes ] well, last night i guess i "had it coming"... i knew going into it i would probably get shafted... but not to the extent of what happened. i guess i was just a sucker for a pretty face. she says she never knew i liked her, thats bullshit. i couldnt have made it more obvious. then she starts hooking up with someone right in front of me. im so pissed about that... not even a little bit of respect out of friendship was given to me. im not even mad at the kid she was hooking up with... i just met him that night, how was he supposed to know. but her... shes such a bitch to me. ive done absolutley nothing to her to deserve what i got yesterday. its bullshit, i gotta be more observant of the long term situations from now on. dammit, im pretty pissed about it right now. then last night she asked me some retarded questions like why i hate her, and why im growing a mustache... the answer to why i hate you is pretty obvious... u hooked up with a kid right in front of me. plus the kids i met with you treated me as a friend, something you havent done since september, and i just met 1 yesterday, and 1 in september, when i met you. and the reason i was growing the mustache is cuz im gonna get just as far with it, as i did without it. the only reason i actually shaved so much was cuz she told me i was "hott". theres no point in shaving anymore, cuz she dosent think im "hott" anymore, so why go outta my way to make myself more presentable. you know who you are, and you know damn well im right... i will not get shafted or used by you again, i assure you. fuck yeah! whatever happened to the days when people liked you for you? 7 voices die out.

yet another survey... its long [01 Nov 2004|07:48pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | With You--Ill Nino ] ( Post here please ) 2 voices die out.

[30 Oct 2004|03:08pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Broken--Seether and Amy Lee ] A survey thingy ( x ) 1 voices die out.

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